Emma

mineyoung-churyuu:

hubriscomplex:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

8ddict:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

captainlordauditor:

some iconic dialogue that sounds like its from the great canon of literature but are actually from memes

1. I will face God and walk backwards into Hell
2. “I’ll do whatever you want” “then perish”
   
3. I have been through hell and come out singing

feel free to add more!

• There are no gods here
  
• Do I look like the kind of man who dies
  
• God’s dead and soon we will be too
  
• I thought there were no heroes left in this world 
  

• you kneel before my throne unaware that it was built on lies

• Impudent of you to assume I will meet a mortal end
  
• This is hell’s territory and I am beholden to no gods
  
• Bury me shallow, I’ll be back
  

- take this gift, for the gods surely won’t

• God wishes he were me
• One day, you will be face to face with whatever saw fit to let you exist in the universe, and you will have to justify the space you’ve filled

(via odinsnotwearingmakeup)

what-is-this-i-dont-even:

presidentjoey:

I was running the cashier and drinks at the restaurant i work at and this mid/older 50′s looking guy walks up and orders a tecate 

since tecate is a mexican beer, I offered him a lime 

if you aren’t familiar with mexican beers or being mexican in general, limes go in that shit, they go in everything, fight me on this

and he says to me in a laughing way 

“No thanks, limes are for girls”

?????????????????????

Haha citrus?

Citrus is for women

Real men have scurvy 

(via odinsnotwearingmakeup)

republicansareahategroup:

tilthat:

TIL that in 1916 there was a proposed Amendment to the US Constitution that would put all acts of war to a national vote, and anyone voting yes would have to register as a volunteer for service in the United States Army.

via reddit.com

bring this back and suddenly capitalists don’t wanna go to war no more

(via myteapartyforthedead)

commandtower-solring-go:

jemthecrystalgem:

6qubed:

6qubed:

silvermarmoset:

the new batch of love for john mulaney here on tumblr has got me thinking how critical costume design is once again. john mulaney is a good comedian, but so much of his power comes from how his humor plays off how he’s dressed. we don’t expect a man dressed like a 1960s news announcer, all clean scrubbed and tight-wound professional, to describe in minute detail the visit where a doctor shoved a hand up his ass. imagine any iconic john mulaney set but given in jeans and a t-shirt, and is it as funny? i don’t think so. his humor spreads like wildfire on this website because the image of a man in a buttoned-up shirt and a tie and slicked back hair with fairly narrow lapels on his three-piece suit is fucking hysterical when paired with “years later I’d be in college about to go down on some rockin’ twink and i’d be like what would leonard bernstein do”

well I do recall a comedian telling about how he accidentally joined the russian mafia on a school trip in college, and this was made more believable by the fact that he was shirtless with a beer belly while telling this story

since someone asked

Frick thank you so much

THE MACHINE

(via nonstaff)

dirtycarsconfessions:

chickthiccs:

pencephobic:

No it did not my boy lightning not a ho

if u honestly believe that lightning mcqueen is not a fucking thot we got beef

(via hotboyproblems)

tyrannosaurus-rex:

str3lka:

str3lka:

one of my favorite weird history moments has got to be when american agents tasked with nixon’s security while he was in the soviet union as vice president under eisenhower detected unusual amounts of radiation in his hotel room so they discussed it loudly to each other to make sure the soviets knew that they knew since there were obviously bugs everywhere and the next day it just mysteriously went away and they never learned any more about it

life during the cold war was just whatever

The Soviets: What if we irradiated Nixon to try and give him radiation poisoning

Secret Service Agents the room over: WOW NIXONS ROOM SURE IS RADIOACTIVE! I SURE HOPE WE CAN FIGURE OUT WHERE ALL THIS RADIATION IS COMING FROM. THE RADIATION IN NIXON’S ROOM THAT IS. THE ONE WE’RE MONITORING SO CLOSELY WE EVEN BOTHERED TO TEST FOR RADIATION LEVELS.

The Soviets: fuck shit abort theyre onto us abort

(via odinsnotwearingmakeup)